• Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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    3 days ago

    The problem with saying “Asians are fetishized” is that EVERY race is fetishized. Every body feature is fetishized. Small tits? Fetishized. Big tits? Fetishized. Black? Fetishized. White? Fetishized. Asian? Fetishized. Wear glasses? Fetishized.

    No matter who you are, there’s SOMEOME fetishizing you.

    • TheresNodiee@lemm.ee
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      2 days ago

      That doesn’t make it a good thing or something that shouldn’t be off-putting to the people who are being fetishized. It’s normal to be attracted to certain physical features but when you fetishize certain physical characteristics, ethnic/racial backgrounds, etc. you treat those people as a sexualized objects and not a human being who may have a sexual aspect to them but is much more complex than just the often superficial characteristics that are fetishized.

      People want to be perceived as whole, complex human beings, not just carriers of characteristics that provide you sexual gratification which, if you fetishise something about a person, you are doing to them whether you realize it or not. It’s creepy, disrespectful, and dehumanizing.

      Feel free to feel attracted to certain physical characteristics but do not fetishise people.

    • lordnikon@lemmy.world
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      3 days ago

      It’s almost what is being fetishized is not the problem everyone has a preference. It’s the objectification that’s the problem and not seeing another person as a whole human with agency.

      • Zorque@lemmy.world
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        3 days ago

        Indeed, being attracted to certain aesthetic features isn’t a bad thing. But seeking out someone to fulfill that fantasy, irrespective of any other factor, is.

        • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de
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          3 days ago

          People are too quick to assume they are being singled-out “irrespective of any other factor” though. We’re all so convinced no-one could like us for who we really are.

          I mean, if I’m being honest, no-one should like me for who I really am, but that hasn’t stopped plenty of people. You get the idea.

          • TheresNodiee@lemm.ee
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            2 days ago

            Are people to quick to assume that? Where are you getting that information from? Are you assuming it?

            • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de
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              1 day ago

              Honestly, its a trope and a pretty common issue, as well as something I struggled with when I was young.

              If you look at incels, its the reverse: a whole bunch of people convinced they lack something specific which others are singled out for to attract a lover, regardless of personality or character. They convince themselves they have nothing to offer but their “entitlement to sex”, to the point they eventually become right about the nothing to offer part.

    • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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      3 days ago

      I’ve had exactly one partner that was with me as an interracial kink. And it was REALLY creepy. Didn’t like it at all. I ask about family a lot to flush that out, if ‘‘my dad would be so pissed if they knew I was dating you’’ pops up. I’m out. It’s a terrible feeling. The ‘‘this doesn’t matter because it happens to everyone’’ logic is deeply flawed. This isn’t an equation, mutual problems don’t invalidate eachother, it just sucks when you realize you’re experiencing it and you never want to deal with it again.

      Just in case anyone cares, I’m not an Asian woman, I’m a Hispanic man, I relate to the comic, I don’t think it’s invalid because it also has happened to me.

        • Snowclone@lemmy.world
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          3 days ago

          I can’t even imagine needing this explained to me. Probably like you likely can’t imagine what’s it’s like to be the ‘other’ society deems outside of the ‘normal’.

          So what are we talking about in this thread. Do you know? We’re talking about being fetishized by your race, ethnicity, what have you. How do you identify someone interested in a kink they want to explore and not interested in YOU. What would identify that situation for you?

        • Zorque@lemmy.world
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          3 days ago

          It’s not about the dad, it’s about the prospective mate thinking it’s noteworthy. They could say that and then their dad doesn’t give even a little bit of a shit about it.

          • merde alors@sh.itjust.works
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            3 days ago

            It’s not about the dad, it’s about the prospective mate thinking it’s noteworthy.

            to be clear… prospective mate thinking what is noteworthy?

            • 5too@lemmy.world
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              3 days ago

              The problem is that she’s interested because his ethnicity is taboo (her dad would flip), not because of who he is as a person.

    • Maggoty@lemmy.world
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      3 days ago

      And it’s still not good, and far less frequent than what Asian women endure in the West.

      • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
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        3 days ago

        Nah, little/big tits are character traits that span multiple races so they’re probably going to be fetishized more broadly just by virtue of that.

        So here we might need another dimension. I’d call it depth or thoroughness. The idea of submissive asian women might be more thorough in its fetishized details, but probably isn’t as broadly as things like tit size.