I wanted to create entertainment media, clothes, websites, and a lot more honestly. I also thought of having children but I didn’t think I’d ever find someone I actually loved. Well now I’m in a relationship, and children have been discussed multiple times, but I feel like I’m doing everything way too late. I’m 27, finding myself like a tween since I was abused into being a zombie when I was that age.

Everyone else already moved out at 19 and are married at 25 the latest and usually have children around 27. I’m still stuck living with family who bullied and abused me the most and still do today. I really did not want to choose between having children at a better time and experiencing having my own space where I won’t be abused for being too comfortable or happy. I really wanted to have my own space I could decorate with things that wouldn’t be destroyed by marijuana addicts who are So Enlightened and believe material possessions are meaningless. I wanted to experience having my own apartment originally for 10 years but now at least 5 years.

If I delay any more it’ll be way too late to have children. They’ll have a much higher chance of having some disability that society would bully them into suicide for having, or they won’t have much time with their parents. I don’t want to be old and needy while they’re still growing either. I also don’t want to miss out of creating the things I had planned either. There’s no way I could work a job and raise them at the same time either.

I’d be able to do all these things if I were just raised as a kid instead of being locked away in an institution that made me less than dead weight for 10 years, forced to know my place as scum below society whose only value is inspiring actual people to not be outdone by worthless scum for the next 5 years before I dropped out of college, and forced to wait to grow until I wasn’t in college anymore. I still hated myself to the point I continued to stagnate until I changed my name which I had to hide from family to avoid more bullying. But they eventually found out and I’m a much bigger joke than I was before.

I hate my family for taking 20 years from me that I’ll never get back, and I hate all of society for justifying it, by claiming some stupid disorder that could mean anything could actually exist. What is the point of a disorder that literally only serves as a “Something Happened” error message? Oh right it’s so quirky on tiktok and all these real actual people actually raised to be actually contributing members of society who made fun of those short bus kids who are so below them now call themselves that stupid word for clout. I hate this stupid world and honestly I was right when I wanted to die years ago knowing nothing would improve.