As far as I know, the current culture around dating/relationships includes meeting your SO’s family and letting them meet yours. And probably sometime on the first few dates, at least asking about family. Problem is, my family is batshit insane.
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My parents are in an abusive relationship and constantly scream at each other
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My father is a violent abuser who avoids talking to people because he can’t even pretend to be sane
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I had to raise myself because most of their advice was hateful trash; they tried to raise me into a bigoted loner asshole who only cares about himself and ties his self-worth to pretending he’s better than everyone else
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My brother is an emotionally volatile gun owner in a relationship with an insane psycho who abused her cat to death
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They all believe that people who are different should be suppressed or purged from society because God or something
I think at this point, my family may be too dangerous to maintain ties to at all. I really wish I could burn it all down and start over, but I might not be so lucky due to my fledgling financial situation.
Ridding myself of my family’s influence has been a decade-long project that I’ve been working hard on, and I gotta say, “Your parents raised you well” has got to be my least favorite compliment.
Jokes aside, I’m interested in hearing about experiences from others in similar situations. How did you talk about it?
I feel like this is an unavoidable red flag either way for a lot of people (After all, how would anyone know that I’m as sane as I claim to be?), but I’d still like to find the least horrible way to talk about it without lying.
Thanks!
Truth be told, none of us know what our futures look like. If you have a current desire to explore your romantic feelings and relationships, do so. There will never be a time when you are perfect. That just isn’t human. What each of us are is a collection of ideas and experiences that creates a unique person. There is no one on the planet exactly like you, and that as a wonderful thing! Relationships in your early 20s are a bit of a trainwreck for most of us anyway. We are still figuring out who we are, and how we may want to be different. The cool part is that everyone else in your age group is facing a similar set of insecurities, anxieties, and eager desire to try their hand at life. You’re going to make mistakes. Thats okay. Your same aged romantic partners will also make mistakes as they’re figuring things out too. In 10 or 20 years you’ll look back on this time right now and think how cringe some of your actions were, or how obvious your mistake were before you made them. Again, thats life!
One other motivation for you to get out there sooner rather than later; Remember how I said you’ll make mistakes and they will too? If you wait 10 years until “you have a better idea of what the future looks like” your peer group will have already had 10 years to make their relationship mistakes and learn from them. They’ll have grown as people and be less willing to put up with someone still in the “mistake making phase” of their lives. So, if you have the desire to explore relationships with a partner, now is a great time to start that. Get out there and do your best for yourself and your partner. Make sure you don’t lose yourself in trying to please your partner, but also be sensitive what they are communicating to you. Sounds complicated right? Everyone does it a little differently and there’s no book you can read or youtube video you can watch that can explain it. You have to live it and its a wild ride of highs and lows.
Get out there! Have fun! Make mistakes and learn from them! Be special to someone. Be special for someone. Endeavor to be the best version of yourself as you go through life. You’ve got this. I believe in you.