Could be the people downvoting didn’t notice OP’s nick and thought this was a total non sequitur

Obviously it doesn’t

(do I really need to add the /s?)

no

I absolutely did do that as a kid too, lol. Anybody know what the story behind the cartoon trope is?

Yup, exactly, no standardized APIs.

The reality is, though, that there are no such APIs. LLMs on the other hand could be a valid tool for the use case.