Me: “My kid has a learning disability. Can you give her some reasonable accommodations?”

My Kids School: “But does she really though?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. She has a diagnosis. From a psychiatrist. Also, you have noticed her grades are abysmal, right?”

School: “They’re not that bad. She’s actually doing pretty well.”

Me: “She has mostly D’s and F’s. Is that seriously what you consider ‘pretty well’?”

School: “…”

I’m doing some major paraphrasing but this is the gist of actual conversations with my daughters school administration. I’m not saying I believe it’s very likely that someone could graduate without being able to read and write. I’m just saying that in some school districts, there’s a greater than zero percent chance of that happening.

The “DECLASSIFIED” watermark on the cover is just the cherry in top.

“Best I can do is eliminate half of all life in the universe.”

What’s with the all caps and quotation marks? “TRUMP”? Like I’m just imagining Trump saying his own name while using air quotes every time.