My beloved gaybro, I responded to you in a previous thread. This seems to be weighing on you quite a bit. I think you may need to ask yourself “why am I afraid of being gay?” Your sexuality is probably not as big of a deal as you think. But for some reason that is known only to you, this topic keeps intruding on your mind. I’m glad you feel safe asking these questions here. I’m glad this community exists for you. But you may need to do some more serious self reflection on where your true fears and concerns lie before we can give any helpful guidance.