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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 23rd, 2023

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  • At a particularly awkward time in my life, I used to keep a secret online journal. Journaling helps me to out process my emotions as well as serve as a way to mark occasions and well, establish facts. Useful when you’re in a relationship with someone who gaslights you and you have all the ADHD forgetting. The ADHD also means I have to have a reward component, so that’s why it was online, because I can type like a demon, and I am strongly externally motivated. Imagining I’m monologuing for an audience provided motivation. Anyway, life got busy. I went back to school. Depression hit hard enough that I got medicated. Life narrowed to slow, loping rhythm while I took upwards of 18 credit hours and sometimes worked multiple jobs. After months of this grind, I had all but shrank into nothingness. Entries to my blog were short, terse. Not florid or deep with my own lore. Just sleep, work, school, study. Sleep, work, school, study. I was more or less at the bedrock of my personality there.

    I got a message one day through my secret journal. Someone told me they had accidentally found it a few years before and had been following it at a distance since. It wasn’t on a platform they could subscribe to it, so they bookmarked it and checked it roughly weekly. She acknowledged it was an odd situation, but that she didn’t intend to be creepy. She had noticed I decreased my posting frequency and that my overall tone had shifted. She wanted to let me know she found meaning and comfort in what I wrote, and related to the struggles I’d expressed. She had kind of felt kinship, and wanted to make sure I was okay. I responded and thanked her, letting her know that I was okay, and would be okay. I probably said something more than that. I know she responded, and her response included her email address and I think a genuine offer of friendship. But, well, I thought at that point she may have been my then-girlfriend trying to pull some bullshit, so I never responded. About 6 months later my girlfriend actually did find the journal, and I wiped the whole thing.

    I’m reasonably confident my ex was not in the know prior to her discovery, so I suspect this person was a real person. In the moment, wiping the journal was a panic response, but after I sort of felt sad that this voice in the dark - my voice - suddenly and inexplicably went silent for the one person who was listening.


  • I wish I had approximately double the hours in a given day, and also vastly more coding skill to help in meaningful ways.

    It seems sort of odd that comments or messages reported for spam don’t offer any tools. Even a simple url pattern match that gives mods/admins the ability to click a checkbox to remember the link and take some predefined action in the future would be a rudimentary but effective option.

    I mean, heck, it’s the fediverse. In my fantasy implementation of an anti-spam approach, it would be possible to federate these lists of untrusted links and assign consensus-based confidence scores for links generated from moderator actions across instances. (With options for instance admins to tailor their own trust scores of other instances, so that each instance can choose for themselves who they trust, just in case a couple rogue instance admins try to poison the spam filter.)
    Same concept can be applied to banned accounts, although in that circumstance, I’d suggest they find a way to mask the email address when sharing it. Not that folks won’t just spin up a new email. But, you know. Something is better than nothing.

    Hopefully that makes sense. I’m losing my mind with sleep deprivation.



  • Monument@lemmy.sdf.orgto196@lemmy.blahaj.zonerule
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    11 months ago

    If I had the capacity to remember the exact URL of a webpage I looked at 20ish years ago, I’d definitely not be working right now. Or anymore.
    I’d spend every moment that I’m not full of existential dread from the things I cannot forget sleeping on the comfiest bed that I could buy using the money earned through my horrible burden of unforgettable knowledge.


  • Monument@lemmy.sdf.orgto196@lemmy.blahaj.zonerule
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    11 months ago

    At some point before the healing brush and patch tools were available, I saw an entire porn gallery (heh, remember when porn came in galleries?) of pixel perfect stitches where someone had joined waists to waists, to create a bunch of concatenated top/top, bottom/bottom images in front, back, and front/back configurations of a naked woman.

    Because this was the early days of the internet, all I’d seen was gross, taboo, or unsettling stuff. I was sort of immune to it, but this was definitely my first “confused boner” situation. I still remember my absolute bewilderment. I was way more unsettled by that than goatse or whatever.